Plus, you know I have this huge fundraiser to attend tonight. Thank you God that this year I am not the speaker. Cocktail dress, hair all done, make-up, nylons, high heels. Calm smile.
And to make thing more frantic, tomorrow morning I'm jumping on a plane with my daughter, leaving my two little boys and husband behind while I visit relatives. Second trip away since having kids! I am jittery. Lord, I have zillions of things exploding, chattering, buzzing around in my head. Such as:
Will the house be recognizable when I return? Will everyone get fed, get to piano, soccer, church, birthday parties, Halloween parties, eye appointments, therapy appointments, school?? And will they arrive smelling decent? Will my husband still love me when I return? Will I remember to bring my mouth guard, my daughter's socks, a warm coat, will my clothes match, and will I not get lost on the way to the airport?
And this week as I try to calmly prepare, it seems that you are not anywhere to be found, God. I have tried to find quiet moments to talk to You, but I think I'm breathing too hard. I tried doing yoga at 5:30 this morning, but found myself instead doing 25 push-ups as hard as I could and then kicking that good ol punching bag until I collapsed. Not very enlightening, but thrilling!
You did not make this week easy. Two days ago the pet snake Corny was attacked by the cat. I had to make the decision to have him euthanized. Did you want me to be the type of person who would spend $700 to try to rehabilitate him, or the person who would be able to take a kitchen knife to the little guy and end his life quickly? Clearly, I am neither. I cried so hard when I saw him suffering. Three different vets have now lectured me about snake ownership. I am so irresponsible. Even if the cat did attack the snake after Grandpa was helping my 8-year-old feed it (and then forgot about the snake, leaving it on the floor.) You know I think it was all my fault, and everyone else does too.
And God, my very sensitive boy is turned inside out over the loss of Corny. He has asked me about 1,000 times when we are going to get the next corn snake. He is carrying Eddie the gecko everywhere, hugging and kissing it. I am paranoid he might leave Eddie somewhere and the cats will have another treat.
But I'm leaving town, and I'm going to get organized this morning...
Except, you threw me another little curve ball. The teacher isn't coming today to teach my spinning boy. She, of course, is sick. And my boy is moving about 40 mph. Running around the house, dogs barking madly, cats skidding out of the way. I just turned on a video so that I could write to you since breathing and closing my eyes is not feeling possible. This feels much more productive.
All I can figure out to do now is to go shopping for a corn snake and pray that you take care of all of the rest. You always do.
Amen.
3 comments :
I am sure your husband will be able to handle things while you are gone. Perhaps you are worried that he will be able to keep a more clean home than you???
hahahaha!!!! Nah. That is not going to happen. You better pray harder.
Being a good friend, I just stopped by your house and the front door was open, the dogs were running in the street and the cats were on the roof. One boy was tied to an oak tree and the other was dancing around him singing some song about cannibalism. Found your husband asleep on the couch watching ESPN classic football games.
You better pray harder.
Oh, Amy....I hear all that buzzing and frantic worrying and KNOW how you feel, though I am not a mom. In times of deep frantic-ness, I just say, "This, too, shall pass..." I bet you anything Lynn will be perfect. He's so calm and reliable!
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